What are the natural enemies of self confidence?
Fear of rejection

We all have this same fear - the unconquerable fear of rejection. Overtime, this fear can be conquered or reduced to a minimum by following some of the tips below.

Fiona, a marketing specialist of one of the biggest malls in town, offered her hand to her client and then she stood up and walked out of the room with her head held high. She was feeling so victorious after closing a million-dollar deal with a mall sponsor who agreed to shoulder the advertising expense for their new world campaign. She can already hear her voice singing as she got inside her car and started the ignition.

To an onlooker, Fiona is a successful woman of the world, who would stop at nothing to get what she wants. Of course he is right. However, the description would not have fit Fiona if it was made ten years ago, when she was still just out of college and pleasing everyone due to her fear of being rejected.

Yes Virginia, there are skeletons in Fiona's closets but those are skeletons she would rather hang out in the often for everyone to see so that they may learn from her experience.

You see, Fiona was barely out of college and she had this unreasonable fear that she was not doing the right thing and that other people would not accept her for what she really is. Deep inside, Fiona felt she was talented and beautiful but when faced with all the girls who were more experienced in life and career, she began to feel insecure and resorted to mimicking whatever they were doing or even what they were wearing.
The fear of rejection may have haunted each one of us at one time or another, It may be caused by our fear of being and living alone, too much dependence on other people's perception of us, lack of confidence and inability to control our own life.

Fear of rejection is a state of mind that makes a person feel inadequate, helpless and worthless. It inhibits a person from doing or saying things because of the fear that other people might not accept him or disapprove of his actions and words.

A person who is so concerned about what others may think of him could make his own life miserable because he can no longer speak his own mind nor do things that he would normally do on his own. The fear of rejection can paralyze a person and discourage him from being productive.

A person's uniqueness disappears the moment he puts primary emphasis on what others want him to be. A person too caught up with pleasing others will start to emulate other people from the way they dress and the way they behave in society.

This usually happens to young people who crave attention and acceptance but do not yet have enough basis for self acceptance. This is detrimental to a person's growth because there is no more room for self expression, only of self denial and the thought of pleasing others.

A person who fears being rejected can be characterized as:
1. A person who acts without confidence - A person who is not sure of himself will tend to imitate others and keep himself from trying new things. Such lack of confidence will ultimately make such person unhappy and bitter.

2. Keeps opinion to himself - A person who is not vocal about his perception of things may be having trouble with rejection. He may keep from voicing out his opinion for fear of being criticized.

3. Usually depressed - A person who does not have the freedom to speak for himself and to express his wants will soon become depressed and will no longer have a love for life. He will tend to act like a remote-control robot that can not make his own decisions.

4. Confused about his true identity- A person who has fears of being rejected will end up confused about who he really is. This will lead to an identity crisis and will make him angry at himself and at other people for no reason at all.

5. Lack of self esteem and self worth-A person who gives more importance to what others may think of him does not have much faith in himself to start with. This lack of self esteem may have resulted from feelings of rejection instilled in him by his family or friends.

A person who fears rejection will ultimately be rejected by the people he wants to please and who love him dearly. A person who has the tendency to please other people will soon get sucked into a difficult cycle of rejection. His behavior will keep the people he cares about alienated from him. He sees this as a rejection and then the cycle goes on and on.

Fear of losing a friend or loved one
How to deal with the fear of losing someone

Jennifer woke up in a sweat, with the memories of last night's dream still fresh and surreal. She was having those darned nightmares again. But those nightmares could not have been mere nightmares because they were haunting her even during her waking hours.

This one was like all the other dreams where she was running after a familiar person who would later on fall from a deep ravine. And in all dreams, she was the one hero who was doing everything to save the same person from falling. The funny thing is, she could not see his face.

Psychologists would interpret Jennifer's dream as something which speaks of her inner fears in life. One such fear which came out in the open was her fear of losing people near to her, people whom she loves dearly.

The fear of losing someone you love is normal for most people. This stems from your fear of being alone in this world and your fear of not being able to bear the thought of being the one who was left behind.

Thinking about the possibility of losing someone you love is devastating, not to mention hurtful. You may have invested too much of your time and feelings for that person and so just the thought of losing that person would leave you in a state of panic.

There are different categories of people with whom a person can have deep affections. The fear of losing any one of these people can be traumatic for a person, especially if he or she has just experienced a heavy loss, like divorce or death of a loved one.

A person can fear losing his spouse, his parents, his children, his relatives, his friends, or any person who is close to his heart. This fear can be caused or influenced by several factors such as:

1. Divorce or separation - A person who recently went through divorce or separation proceedings can easily be haunted by separation anxiety due to the stress accompanied by the divorce process. It is not easy for a person to live with a spouse for a period of time and to separate with that person. Divorce proceedings are usually hostile and confrontational so such proceedings will always leave a bad taste in the mouth. In the same manner, a person who is about to undergo a divorce or separation will also be subjected to stress.

2. Empty nest - A fulltime mother can easily feel depressed when she realizes her children are growing up and are slowly becoming independent. This anxiety stems from the thought that for several years, she was needed by her children and now that they can manage on their own, then she will no longer be needed and useful. A mother who experienced this fear of losing her children should try to immerse herself back into society by finding a business or a useful hobby that will keep her occupied. The feeling of uselessness is natural but you have to find a way to combat this fear by making yourself useful in some other ways. Also, why not look at the situation in another way? Why not accept the fact that you have reared your children so well and that you have prepared them to live their own lives? And now, it is time for them to try to walk alone without mommy's help.

3. Death in the family - A death in the family or in your circle of friends will always make a person realize how fleeting life can be. This realization will manifest itself into the fear of losing someone you love due to illness or sudden death. Death is inevitable and it would do you good to make time for people you love. If you are already spending enough time with them, then you can always improve the quality of time you spend with your loved ones.

The fear of losing a loved one is always in existence. One can never get away from this fear because there are situations that will make a person think of the possibility of being separated from the people they love. But the possibility of losing someone is one of life's facts and no one can prevent his from happening.

To have confidence, we often have to get to the root of the problem.